Arrowette's Diary

cissie_king @ 2009-07-22T18:58:00

2009-07-22T23:59:58Z

I wonder if we are going to get several Superboy_Primes posting in message boards, starting live journal accounts, blogs, etc...

Not that I should cast the first stone here....

I'm bored.

2009-07-17T22:15:45Z

Really, really BOOOOORED.

Even the F-list seems kinds of dead today.

Batgirl can't run for mayor! She is no told enough!

2009-07-08T16:44:01Z

There is institution that specializes in running political campaigns. I'm not sure what they do exactly because half their webpage fails to load, but I think it's something like that.

Anyway, as an exercise (or joke?) their members are running mayor campaigns for fictional characters.

New Organizing Institute.

And here are the candidate pages:

www.cyborgformayor.com
www.youaresuperman.com
www.atomfordc.com
www.votegreenlantern.com
www.wonderwomanfordc.com
www.votespidey.com
www.ibelieveinbatgirl.com
www.batwomanfordc.com

Only Spidey is running for the Marvel party, but they are a bunch of communists so don't vote for him.

These quiz things keep getting weirder and weirder

2009-07-01T23:48:05Z

I'm Jo, which ambiguous dyke are you? Quiz by Turi.

Well, this looks pretty good.

2009-07-01T22:28:39Z

DC just put up in their blog a preview of Adventure Comics #1 starring Superboy (Kon-El).

Actually seems like fun. The art is not bad, but the guy should work more on his facial expressions. Everything else looks nice but Kon-El has this combination of exasperation and zombie on his face. Like the weight of ennui has crushed his spirit, leaving behind a pitiful mockery of a man filled with impotent hate for existence.

I don't think that's what the script was going for.

Fake Batman can't do proper dirty bat-talk.

2009-06-24T02:04:32Z

An excerpt from: Penthouse Outs Nerd Hook-Up Central

Later, a giant of a man in a very official Batsuit joins me in line for a bottle of $4 water. I look at him and he looks back at me, irises extra blue against all the eye black under his cowl.

"You know there was a girl Robin," he says. "Stephanie Brown."

"Actually, if you count Carrie Kelly in The Dark Knight Returns, there were two girl Robins." I stretch the words out, making them luxurious, and curl my lips into a crooked come-hither grin.

Batman's smile is slow, seductive-and really freaking creepy with the head-to-toe-armor. Other than his height and the set of his jaw (not bad, but no Christian Bale), I have no idea what this guy looks like, but I do feel an instant familiarity and comfort level with him. If we were making out in my apartment and he unearthed my secret stash of Detective Comics, I wouldn't have to invent a story about how I was just holding them for a friend.

"Yes, I forgot about Carrie." He gives me a long once-over. "Will I be seeing you back at the cave tonight?"

No! no! No, fake Batman! The correct dirty response is "Will I be parking my batmobile in your batcave later tonight?"

An Apology for my last post over at Noscans_daily.

2009-06-14T05:45:04Z

I wrote these words to apologize for the joke I wrote at the end of my post a few weeks ago and for offending so many people with it. I wrote this apology weeks ago too and sent it to stubbleupdate  asking her if she could post it. I do not know if she ever read it or simply decided not to do it. It’s not that simply letting the whole business die and not mention it again lacks merits, but I do believe I owe people an apology and an explanation, so I will do it in my own LJ. I don't know what good this will do since nobody involved follows this LJ, but it's something.

I have to say I did not understand why it bothered so many people. As far as I knew it was just a joke and I couldn’t see why anyone would take it the wrong way. That’s the way it was until keeni84  explained why she was angry in another comment.

"that tactic has been used (in particular against POC) to invalidate (our) thoughts and opinions."

After reading that I thought Oh crap… that does make sense.

I want to assure everybody that I never wrote that to invalidate anyone's opinion. I never meant to imply that anyone who disagreed with me would do it because they think I'm a crazy racist. I did it because in any discussion about race, from any point of view, someone is bound to call you a crazy racist no matter what you do. If you defend Affirmative Action, you are a reverse racist, if you are against it you are a racist. So I decided to joke and call myself a racist in a ridiculous way before anyone had the chance to do it. It just didn't occur to me that it could be very easily mistaken for a dirty tactic to invalidate disagreeing opinions. For that I apologize, it wasn't my intention to invalidate anyone's comments.

And last, I want to assure you all I am not apologizing as a lame attempt to get my ban lifted. I already asked the mods to never lift it. Or at least I asked stubbleupdate  who is no longer a mod in a private message she probably never read. But it is the thought that counts. I apologize because once it became clear to me why things went wrong, I have to agree that I should have thought that last part better. I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive before hand.

Still, the post was not a complete disaster. I noticed some people agreed with what I said, and plenty of them were not Americans. So, perhaps other people can carry on and complain that not all Japanese heroes have to be giant robots or magical schoolgirls, just like most heroes and villains from Haiti don't have to use Vodoun magic. Hopefully they will do this with better judgment than me.

Once again, I'm sorry if the joke offended you.

I fell for this.

2009-05-29T05:08:01Z

HardTime :: Illusion from ze frank on Vimeo.

It's an... optical illusion.

Spider-Man... DEFEATED!

2009-05-26T21:27:16Z

Spider-Man battles Dark Feather, mistress of pigeons! Oh noes!

Fanfic: Tequila Sunset.

2009-05-26T06:36:14Z

Title: Tequila Sunset
Characters: Kon/Cassie and short appearances of Cissie and Greta.
Rating: G
Summary: It’s Valentine’s day and Cassie expects poor Kon to screw up royally. Will he fail or will he succeed? Chan chan chaaaaaaan!
Word Count: 1405 (Woohoo! The word count is getting shorter!)
Prompt: “Sunset at the beach” given by museofspeed .
Disclaimer: All characters owned by DC, except maybe Superboy, I think. In any case I don’t own him.

NOTES: I started writing this for the Valentine’s day challenge, but I’m slower than crippled molasses so that didn’t happen. But since it also fits for the current Unusual Pairing challenge, it is on time for this one. Cassie / Kon is an unusual pairing? There are many things wrong with this world. This is one of them.

Cassie walked into the Young Justice Headquarters’ kitchen to find that her friends, Cissie and Greta, were already taking breakfast. Cassie tried to brush her unruly morning hair with her hands to make it more ‘ruly’ but as soon as the hands stopped, the hairs curled and twisted back to where they wanted.

“Good morning,” Cassie tried to say, but it sounded more like Yaaaawn groon mornee

There was a stack of pancakes in the middle of the table. Cissie and Greta were eating plain toasts.

“So… Cissie tried to make pancakes again,” said Cassie.

“Yes,” replied Cissie with monotone anger.

“These ones taste better than the ones you made last week,” said Greta trying to cheer up Cissie. “Too bad they are hard as rocks.”

Cassie put more bread in the toaster and sat down. Cissie was busy biting small pieces out of a toast while reading the funnies page of the newspaper. Greta on the other hand read a book that had a unicorn in outer space on the cover. Cassie waited a few seconds to make sure absolutely no one was paying her the littlest bit of attention and then sighed heavily like the romantic lead of a Telemundo soap opera. Cissie and Greta continued their reading.

Once more Cassie sighed loudly; the message for attention was so obvious this time that Cissie and Greta could not ignore it. Greta put a bookmark on the page she was reading and Cissie put the newspaper down.

“Some thing wrong?” asked Cissie. She was just humoring Cassie but was not really concerned about her wellbeing since she believed it was probably nothing serious.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” replied Cassie. “Don’t pay me any attention.”

With superhero reflexes, Cissie rolled up the newspaper and whacked Cassie on the head with it.

“Owie! What was that for?”

“I hate when people beg for attention and then play hard to get. You got the attention, now hurry up and say what’s on your mind!”

“Well, if you insist.”

Cissie rolled her eyes.

“Today is Valentine’s day,” Cassie said.

“Why is that a problem?” asked Greta. “It’s not like you don’t have a date like Cissie.”

“I could get a date if I wanted! I just don’t want one!”

“Why would you not want one? Dating is fun!”

“How would you know, Greta?” Cissie asked. ” You have never gone out with anybody.”

Greta paused to ponder about this. It was true she had never dated anybody in her life or in her death, but the despite her lack of empirical evidence, she was somehow convinced dating was really fun.

“Well, it is really fun in my head,” Greta finally answered. “Especially near the end when Robin puts his hand up my…”

“Enough of that!” interrupted Cassie. “Let’s go back to my problem!”

“But you don’t have a problem,” Cissie said.

“Yes I do! I want a romantic date I can remember forever, a date I can tell to my grandchildren, but I’m dating Superboy and he… he is a nice boy, but--”

“But his idea of romance is burping out I love you?” asked Cissie.

“Yes. But he only did that once.”

“Well, after the face your mom made when he heard him, I think he got the idea it was not a nice thing to do,” added Greta.

“Yes, but oh… he is going to ruin everything today isn’t he?” Cassie said. “We are going for dinner to White Castle and then to a wrestling match!”

“Come on, come on, he is not that bad,” Cissie said as she patted Cassie’s head. And then she added, “I think” and ruined whatever consolation she might had given before.

“It will probably be a very romantic wrestling match,” added Greta. If she was being sarcastic or genuinely trying to console Cassie, nobody could say.

“Give him a chance; I bet he planned something nice for today,” Cissie said.

“I hope you are right,” Cassie said and then she slowly and dolefully walked back to her room to sulk for a few hours before the date.

****

“Is miss Sandsmark home?” Superboy asked. He was standing at the entrance of the Young Justice cave holding a bouquet of roses. He was wearing a suit, open coat and no tie. The suit was probably borrowed from Robin.

“Are your intentions towards miss Sandsmark honorable, young man?” asked Cissie.

“Yes, ma’am; I will take her to Gotham City and we will sell crack and guns right in Crime Alley, If that’s okay with you, ma’am.”

“As long as I get ten percent, it’s okay with me. Cassie will be out in a moment. I have to warn you: she is feeling a bit down and whatever you have planned for today should better be amazing.”

Superboy scratched his chin pensively.

“I guess crack and guns aren’t going to cut it today,” he said.

“No, I don’t think they will.”

“Relax, Arrowchick,” Superboy said as he pointed gunfingers at Cissie. “I got an idea that will get tons of boyfriend points. In the scale of one to a hundred, one being Ultra the multi alien and a hundred being Nightwing, I’ll get two hundred points easy.”

“If one hundred is Nightwing, what are two hundred points?”

“Two Nightwings of course.”

Cissie just sighed.

Cassie walked out of her room ready for her date. For better or for worse she was going to spend Valentines Day with Kon.

“For you,” Kon said as he offered Cassie the bouquet of flowers. “I only regret they are nowhere near as beautiful as you.”

Cassie was not surprised the flowers were not as pretty as her; for ten dollars you are lucky if they resemble flowers. Cassie decided it would be best not to tell Kon this or that the price tag was still attached.

“Thank you, Kon. They are nice.”

To Cassie’s surprise Kon had made reservations in a nice, small restaurant in Happy Harbor’s bay area. It sure wasn’t the fanciest place she had ever had dinner in, but the silverware was not made of plastic. The food was great and Cassie loved scallops even though she still had no clue what those poor things were supposed to even look like before being cooked and served.

After dinner Kon took her to walk around the bay area. Cassie wondered why she and the rest of the gang had never bothered to see the city, to get to know it. The place was full with small shops and some art galleries.

To end the day they found a bench with good view of the beach and watched the sun set. Kon pretended to yawn, lifted his arm and put it around her. It was the first time Cassie had seen something that was retarded and sweet at the same time. She rested her head on his shoulder and together they stayed quiet until the sun was gone.

“I have to say this day was nicer than I expected,” Cassie said. “I think this is the first time I am sad a day is over. It’s usually the other way around.”

“Ah, but it doesn’t have to be over. I have a surprise for you.”

Kon lifted Cassie from the bench before she could complain and with one jump they were both up in the sky flying.

“Where… where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

Kon and Cassie set foot on land somewhere in the east coast of Mexico. Cassie had not noticed, because the change came slowly, but they had daylight again. They had caught with the sun.

“The day doesn’t have to end, Cassie. The sunset can last today as long as you want.”

Cassie smiled and a tear ran down her cheek.

“Kon, I think that’s the sweetest thing you have ever done.”

“Thank you, it took me some thinking. I only thought up to this point. I’m not sure where to go from here without screwing up.”

“Let’s just go home.”

“Are you sure, Cassie? Because, we can look at a few more sunsets today.”

“We can’t spend the day just watching sunsets at beaches. Some crisis or disaster is bound to hit any time soon and the team will need us. But it’s nice that you wanted to spend more hours with me like this.”

“You are right. Race you?”

“You know, Kon… let’s stay for one more. But just this one.”

THE END.

I weep for humanity.

2009-05-22T21:57:16Z

According to some... people... the ending of Battle for the Cowl is confusing. They can't figure out who is the new Batman.

In order to help, I just read the last issue to solve this mystery. The book ends with Dick Grayson saying "Yeah, I'm Batman now."

I think that was a clue.

I guess people didn't notice Morrison was not the writer and they forgot to turn off their "Oh My God! Nobody can understand this!" autopilot.

SNIFF The family I never had...

2009-05-21T21:29:06Z

*SNIFF* :(

Although, now that I think about it, this family looks like it's about to capture some homeless people and then play THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME.

Look at little Cindy to the left... she is out for blood.

Got them from Awkward Family Photos.

Newsarama's Top 10 Best and Worst Moms.

2009-05-08T20:47:27Z

Newsarama just published a list of the Top 10 Best and Worst Moms in comics. Because, who knows more about moms and parenting than Newsarama?

Good news is my mom made it to spot number 8! No, not in the Best list, but the Worst list. She is a better mom than number 7, Black Canary, but worse than number 9, Talia Al'Ghul.

Hey! I think I was better raised than Damian Wayne; at least I haven't tried to kill anybody... except that guy who killed my shrink, but the bastard was asking for it. That's different.

I bet we only lost because mom looks like she is bathing in the blood of innocents in her picture. It's just Kool Aid not blood!

With a little effort we can make it to spot 9 or 10 next year and social services will get off our backs for a while. Go, Team King! GOOOOOOOOOOOO!

In retrospect...

2009-05-05T22:50:31Z

In retrospect, I was writing about Catwoman's origin while still angry, and I shouldn't write while angry, and two of the pieces of text I quoted might not be as angering as I though. They are still very much wrong as wrong can be, but not wrong in any way that angers me.

These two, on the other hand?

"can't reconcile Selina ever having been a prostitute, given her very independent nature."

"I could never reconcile this tough slum living prostitute with the high life living Selina."

These two still piss me off with their awful ignorance.

Why do you hate prostitutes, people?

2009-05-04T20:31:36Z

Scans_Daily seems to be going through a phase of love for Catwoman with a bunch of posts dedicated to her. Actually, it might be just one guy or gal doing all the posts; I am too lazy to check who is posting all that stuff, but the point is still the same.

One of the posts caught my eye because it contained some scans from Catwoman’s youth. I think this was some issue where Doug Moench tried to retcon out or at least downplay the origin story Frank “WHORES WHORES WHORES” Miller gave Catwoman in Batman Year One, where Catwoman was a common prostitute who one day puts on a catsuit and starts stealing stuff, because it was more fun and lucrative than being a prostitute.

What I want to ask is why people hate the prostitute origin story? Is it so bad that Catwoman was once a prostitute? Really? Street prostitutes are not allowed to leave their harsh life behind and start having superhero adventures with Batman? Batman can’t love a former prostitute? Is getting a dick in your vagina so tainting?

I don’t think these people are being entirely misogynistic, but only because there are no male prostitute characters to compare with Catwoman. Other than Booster Gold, of course. But Booster Gold whoring himself for money with old women was played for laughs. I’m not sure he counts for our purposes. In any case, I’ll give people the benefit of the doubt and pretend this is about sexphobia and not misogyny.

I wouldn’t call myself a fan of the prostitute origin, but I can see a big silver lining in it. Catwoman didn’t like being a prostitute, and I can easily see why, but then she saw this goofy guy in a bat costume having a more awesome life and she said “Hey! If that moron can do it, why can’t I do it?” And then she became a glamorous cat burglar by her own hand. You know what? I take that back, I am a fan of the prostitute origin. There, I said it!

Despite my better judgment I read some of the reasons why some people hate this origin, and frankly I don’t think these people are as progressive or enlightened as they seem to think. I am not putting their names, or bothered to read who said what, but you can check then out in the link above if you want to. And yes, these are from several different people.

“But in the end I just don't buy it as an origin for the world's greatest thief. That's the main thing with me. Selina is the absolute best thief in the world, bar none, and an amazing athlete as well. She's good enough at what she does that I feel she has to have been working at it for all or most of her life. I just don't buy that any significant period in her past was spent as a prostitute”

This one is insulting. Sorry, hos! You can never be the best at anything, it’s because of all the dicks you sucked. Frowny face :(. Sorry, it’s all your fault for whoring too much and not practicing other stuff!

For the life of me, I can’t understand how anyone can even bring this logic to a fictional world where Green Arrow is just a trust fund baby who one day picked up a bow and became the best archer in the world; where Batman is the master of whatever the heck he decides to be; where Oracle is the best hacked despite that she is a Librarian and an English major and not a computer engineer.

Why can’t a prostitute be a great thief? Oh yes… the dicks.

can't reconcile Selina ever having been a prostitute, given her very independent nature.

Sorry, Catwoman, you can’t be an independent woman. It’s because of all the dicks you sucked. Frowny face to you, Catwoman!

I could never reconcile this tough slum living prostitute with the high life living Selina.

Sorry, Catwoman, you can’t buy pretty things with the money you stole. It’s because of all the dicks you sucked. Frowny face, Catty, frowny face!

Selina as a prostitute is utter fail because it is simply bad storytelling. It does not make sense! Selina is a cat burglar. Prostitute to cat burglar is no way a logical shift.

Sorry, Catwoman, you can’t become a thief. It’s because of all the dicks you sucked. Frowny face.

Okay, this is getting repetitive. Let’s find a different take on that. Oh, here is one:

For me, Catwoman as a prostitute offends me mostly because Frank Miller was the creator of the idea. It's technically an interesting, innovative idea, but it can feel a little cheap, because Miller makes all of his women whores. There was no imagination involved in his decision for Selina's profession; he made the same decision he makes everytime he writes a female character.

This might surprise people, but Miller has written female characters who were not prostitutes. I know, it’s amazing, but it’s true. I saw it in a rerun of THAT’S INCREDIBLE!

But again, I have to ask, why are people offended by Miller writing about prostitutes? Oh, I don’t mind the whores! I mind Miller writing about whores. Well, why?

Am I again being mean to people, or maybe these people are being sexphobic?

52... done right! snicker

2009-04-27T21:56:42Z

This is from an interview to Mark Waid.

[On “52"] EIC Dan Didio, who first championed the concept, hated what we were doing. H-A-T-E-D ‘52.’ Would storm up and down the halls telling everyone how much he hated it. And Steve [Wacker, editor], God bless him, kept us out of the loop on that particular drama. Siglain, having less seniority, was less able to do so, and there's one issue of ‘52’ near the end that was written almost totally by Dan and Keith Giffen because none of the writers could plot it to Dan's satisfaction. Which was and is his prerogative as EIC, but man, there's little more demoralizing than taking the ball down to the one-yard line and then being benched by the guy who kept referring to ‘Countdown’ as ‘52 done right.’

Now, remember this is Waid's version... but still. Funny, in its way.

TINY RACISM!

2009-04-20T04:05:19Z

Why are you so racist, Beast Boy?

REVIEWS FOR APRIL 13, 2009

2009-04-14T04:49:54Z

Okay, let’s review stuff today.

Today we got the Wonder Woman animated movie, Teen Titans Annual 2009, Batman: Battle for the Cowl #2, Seaguy: Slaves of Mickey Eye #1, and Doctor Doom and the Masters of Evil #3.

WONDER WOMAN MOVIE.

Skinny Etta Candy? Seriously? What is wrong with you, people! The Inquisition killed people for lesser blasphemies! Etta can be normal fat. Etta can be morbidly obese. But Etta Candy cannot, should not, be anything less than pleasantly plump. You, sirs, have committed a grave sin against Ettacandiness. But why make her skinny? They thought a fat woman wouldn’t flirt with Steve Trevor? Or that it would just look weird? Well, that was not very enlightened for a movie with a message about equality.

Other than that I’m not sure what to think of this movie. Yes, it’s a by the numbers Wonder Woman story. Ares has a vaguely detailed plan to gain something or other, Wonder Woman punches him and then we all learn something about peace and gender equality. Hooray. It’s not a bad movie, but it’s so unambitious that makes me wanna smack it and tell it to go get a haircut and a real job.

The movie is oddly violent but bloodless. Lots of people die but nobody bleeds here. I think Steve Trevor breaks a guy’s neck, which creeps me out. Not comfortable with all that violence in a Wonder woman story.

The oddest part was the subplot of Artemis learning about the magical experience of reading! That felt out of place. Look, Wondy, if I want an episode of Reading Rainbow, I’ll call Geordi Laforge!

Oh no! Go away, Geordi LAforge; nobody called you! I read books, I read books already!

And I don’t blame Artemis; if all I had to read were stuff from Greek Philosophers I would be illiterate too. You may think they were pretty smart, but that’s only because they don’t teach you about Aristotle saying women’s brains are smaller or that vultures had three testicles.

Maybe the movie was not for me because there was nothing there that couldn’t be found in most Wonder Woman comics. Nothing new there for me, just paint by numbers Wondy story. Should I ask for more? I don’t know. It doesn’t do anything all that special to make me forgive its… meh!

TEEN TITANS ANNUAL 2009.

I don’t know why I bother. Everything I have said before still applies. I think the entire universe conspired to make Zachary Zatara and Bunny the smartest ex-Titans. They ran away just in time, because once more the Titan’s Tower is under attack. The place must be cursed! There is probably an old Indian cemetery underneath and under that cemetery there is another cemetery. It’s an infinite pile of Indian cemeteries. Nothing can be that cursed!

Fly away, little bird! Fly for your life! That place is cursed! CURSED!!

Maybe this is just a personal pet peeve of mine, but, as I have mentioned before, I hate it when superheroes just stay at home and get attacked instead of going out and saving people. You know, like superheroes are supposed to do? And here once more the Teen Titans are sitting around being useful to nobody and getting attacked. I can’t remember the last time the Titans left their base. I can’t even remember in which city they live anymore. Are they still in San Francisco? Did they move back to New York? I don’t know! Do they remember what sunlight feels like? Do they know what’s like to mingle with other people? I don’t know! They bunkered so long ago in their stupid building that I forgot.

Why are you guys eating cereal out of lampshades?

At least this time they are not being attacked by an evil version of the Teen Titans. Well, the bad guy is Jericho who used to be a Teen Titans and now is evil… that’s close enough to count! ACK!

BATMAN: BATTLE FOR THE COWL #2

Speaking of not bad but not good, Battle for the Cowl has been mediocre; but not comic book mediocre but fanfic mediocre. There is a sense of amateurishness in this story. Things happen in this story without emotion, surprise or panache… things just happen.

Yay! Squire!

A big telling hint to recognize amateurs is that amateurs haven’t figured out that most stories have already been told and that all that’s new is the dressing. Amateurs don’t work on the dressing, so it ends up looking like a little kid telling you about a movie he saw last night on TV “And and then that happened, but then that happened and and and and then that happened!”

And that’s the problem with Battle for the Cowl; stuff happens but not in any interesting way.

Yay! Darth Vader! no... that's not Darth Vader. :(

SEAGUY: SLAVES OF MICKEY EYE #1

Well… the reviews have been a bit negative today, so let’s talk about nicer books from here on. Seaguy is always barrels of fun. Seaguy is a strange book, not only because it’s written by Grant Morrison and he is a weirdo, but even for Morrison standards this thing is weird… which makes it all better for me.

Seaguy is unique, or at least I don’t remember reading or hearing about something like it. It’s funny, cute, unsettling and terrifying all at the same time. It’s a surreal horror story set in a cartoony clean universe. Imagine David Lynch’s Lost Highway performed by the Muppets.

Yup, like that.

In its way the story is similar to The Prisoner, with the difference that the prisoners here are not aware they are in the Village. Or are they? A long time a go there was a big crossover, the superheroes won and evil was eradicated forever. Or was it? Whatever happened, the entire world now is safe and no longer needs superheroes, who are now treated like they were mental patients and objects of ridicule. The entire world has been dumbed down for everyone to walk around safely so no matter how much of a moron you are, chances are you are not going to end winning a Darwin award. But where does this leave our poor superheroes? Like Seaguy they just wander around looking for an adventure they can’t find.

O Lucky El Loro, you might be Jason Todd to Chubby Da Choona's Dick Grayson, but we still love you.

In the last Seaguy book, the forces of Mickey eye who keep the world as it is captured him, brainwashed him, gave him a new sidekick and put him back in square one. Some people claim this is Morrison commenting about the current state of comics and the constant retcons. I don’t want to read Seaguy as commentary for current comics, not because I disagree with that take but because… darn, that’s just depressing, especially if you reread my third paragraph.

That's a very nice brainbow, Mister Encephalitic Morrison stand-in.

I prefer to read it as Seaguy living through the three stages of maturity really quickly. This is the second series, so that means Seaguy is becoming a teenager, soon he will have hair where he didn’t have any and start thinking about girls differently. Oh, they grow up so quickly. It was only a few years ago he was a child being brainwashed by the incomprehensible evils of his cartoony fascist world.

I don’t think anybody has mentioned this, but I think Seaguy’s pal and sidekick, Chubby Da Choona represents his subconscious or his maturity, or something like that. In the first series Chubby was a child with ADD who couldn’t focus long enough to see the evil lurking in the shadowy corners of his cartoony candyland world, and he got killed for it. Dead of innocence? Oooh, nice. Now Chubby returns wearing a Che Guevara cap. Teenage rebellion? Oh, Chubby you are going to regret buying all those Rage Against the Machine CDs later on. I guess in the third series Chubby will appear wearing a suit, he’ll find a nice Choona girl and settle down.

Shine on, Chubby!

Still, even if one just feels like doing a superficial reading of the book, the whole subplot of what’s really going on in Seaguy’s world is enough to keep the interest. Did evil won and nobody noticed or remembers? Will Seaguy finally reveal his feelings to his beloved She-Beard?

Now that’s a good question. What the heck She-Beard represents?

Anybody has a clue?

DOCTOR DOOM AND THE MASTERS OF EVIL #3

Speaking of fanfics, this comic baffles me. It reads like a fanfic, but a cracky one if there ever was one. I think somebody has taken his own Doctor Doom / Princess Python OTP fanon and somehow convinced Marvel to publish it. Yes, Doctor Doom and Princess Python, you know the only female member of the Circus of Crime, the woman with the giant snake. .. yes, with Doctor Doom.

I haven't touched this at all! This is how it came in the comic. No photoshop!

On one hand this pairing makes no sense, because Doctor Doom is elitist royalty and Princess Python is carnie trash. Doom wouldn’t touch her with a hazmat suit. On the other hand I’m glad something this dumb is getting published. It’s like one of those novels with Fabio on the cover dressed like a pirate. “Gasp! I was a lonely circus artist who had given up on love, until a dashing prince took me in his arms into a life of sensual adventures!” Yes you are, Princess Python, yes you are!

But yes, it’s like reading someone’s fanfic about Doctor Doom trying to conquer the universe with the help of his one true love Princess Python. Now, I’m sure there is a big possibility that Doctor Doom is using Princess Python for his own evil ends and poor PP will return to her criminal circus life with a broken heart.

But wacky pairing is not the only thing going for this comic, the action parts with the Masters of Evil fighting and outwitting space monsters are also fun. Cosmic action romance novel? Why not?

No, God, leave that Galaxy alone!

2009-04-07T16:47:11Z

A friend sent me a link to this:

Pulsar Creates Cosmic "Hand"

Are you there, God? It's me, Cissie. Can you please stop moving galaxies around with your giant, spooky blue hand? It creeps me out.

Wait, I have seen this before!

Oh, but we just came out of a crisis... I hope I get something to do in this one.

Galaxies are not toys! Stop moving them around! Just let them be! They are not bothering anyone!

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, GEORGE PEREZ!

Teen Titans, JLA, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!

2009-03-31T06:45:49Z

These are not really reviews; they are more like just side commentary about Teen Titans and JLA. I don't like to write posts to just complain and complain, and I know I have complained over and over and over and over again about Teen Titans being the cemetery of happiness and JLA just being really pointless. But I can't help it today! I just can't, because the bastards are taunting me! TAUNTING ME! You'll see.

Really, it's like the perfect storm of metacommentary, when both Teen titans and JLA explain why they are sucking so hard right now.

Let's start with Teen Titans. There is a preview of Teen Titans #69 at Newsarama. I haven't read the issue yet, but in those four pages... jeepers!

The good thing is that Zachary Zatara found himself an assistant on the way from the Darkseid Club to Titans Tower. I'm not sure how he got the time for that but it's not my business.

Say hello to Bunny. Hi, Bunny! So far we don't know where she came from, what she can do or even her real name. She hasn't even talked! I'm not even sure why I like Bunny! I just like to think that in the perfect world, Bunny has the power to come out of hats. She can travel through hats. She goes inside a top hat in New York and comes out a bonnet in Thailand. She can enter hat-space, because she is the one, as the prophecy foretold, who will finally bring peace and end the war between the Sombrerolords and the Fezsmiths. She is the chosen one.

Also, I want her to meet Dumb Bunny... I guess that makes her Smart Bunny... or Average Intelligence Bunny.

But never mind Bunny. This is what got my attention:

It's actually funny. I honestly don't know what McKeever was going for with this scene, and I doubt he shares my view; but from where I am standing, Zachary and Bunny just ran out of the Titans Tower because there was a small possibility of joining the Teen Titans. I don't blame him. If the Teen Titans corner me and ask me to join, I'll jump out of a window! I'll fight back and run... anything!

Clock King might still be out there and planning to kill them all, and still Zachary believes he is safer anywhere but in the Teen Titans. "Come on, Bunny! Let's jump naked into that trash bin near the AIDS clinic, it can't be as dangerous as this place!" Zachary has a point. How many times the stupid tower has been attacked? I have never seen the back of the silly tower, but I bet it has a KICK ME sign taped there.

And Zachary gives Kid Devil some good advice. He won't listen because he is a big loser who just wants some kind words he'll never get no matter how well he performs as the resident whipping boy.

And then we got this:

Cassie, please say yes to Torso-guy. Come on, be a dear, I need the laughs. I need the awful, awful slash of you and torso. I need the horrible and soul scarring fan-art! Cassie and Torso, OTP!!!

Torso's panel there is very iconable.

And now JLA #31, which I already read.

I'm not going to say much about Dinah punching Ollie because I think every angle has already been discussed. But, Ollie, it's not your fault... I know you NEVER hear that, but it's not your fault... yes, we are all surprised, but it isn't. Ollie, you can't change her. She will say never again, but she will do it again. It's okay to cry, Ollie. Go on... you can cry. Grab your things, grab the kids... well, the kids are big so just leave them where they are. Go to the nearest Women's shelter and get a restraining order. Trust me, I saw Sleeping with the Enemy... like once, although I went to the bathroom near the end, but I think I know what I'm talking about.

Let's tackle the rest of the issue.

That's... that's Diana, Z. Maybe the hat is a bit too tight today?

Now here comes the important metacommentary part. Look, it's one thing for me to think JLA is a crappy book. There are many books I think can improve a lot in many ways, but at least those books have some pride, some self esteem. They go on pretending they are not crappy. It's one thing to think a book is crappy, it's a whole different thing when the book itself tells you it's crappy. Here is Hal Jordan explaining exactly why I don't like the current JLA book.

Okay, okay! Enough, go get your own blog or LJ if you want to keep reviewing. This one is mine!

But Hal is right! The JLA has always been the DCU's first and last line of defense. The JLA saved the world or the universe every week. Even the Giffen one! But since the new book started? The first story was about Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman sitting around a table looking at the family album. After that it was some boring nonsense with the Legion. And so on and so on. Have they done anything? No! I don't want to blame McDuffie because this is probably not even his fault. Not even McDuffie likes the current JLA. This issue is a cry for help! But we can't help you. You are telling us the book sucks, and we already know that, but we can't help you! Nobody can help you. The book just needs to stop being kidnapped by every event and mini-event that happens elsewhere, but that's not our call.

These are two books with easily detectable problems that can be easily fixed. So why are they crap?

Just... stuff.

2009-03-26T16:11:38Z

First, ruckawriter</lj>(Better known as Greg Rucka) has posted some sketches of the backup feature that will appear in Detective Comics.

Who is the dandiest lesbian superhero on the block? You are, you are!

Most superheroes dress like hobos. I don't why that happens, but I am glad Cully Hammer here has given Renee the pimpiest suit in all Dandytown to kick evil in penis with style and comfort.

Also, I like Renee better with short hair. I don't why a bunch of people are complaining that they liked the long one better.

In other not news, there is an interview with Diedrich Bader, who plays Batman in Batman B&B.

Some people have complained that there aren't many women in the cartoon, and I agree, there aren't and I would like to see more. It looks like we are going to get some more.

"Another episode to look forward to, at least according to Bader, already has a personal favorite. It will see the return of Will Friedle as Blue Beetle. It will also feature the introduction of Tara Strong as Huntress, Armin Shimmerman as The Calculator, Grey Delisle as Black Canary, and Ellen Greene as a newly created character called Mrs. Manface."

Huntress, Black Canary and... Mrs. Manface? What?

WHOA! That was fast.

2009-03-24T22:42:48Z

I was just reading my F-List just a few minutes ago. I saw a post at noscans_daily. It was a link to this: The International Society of Supervillains takes on Scans_Daily.

It's a fun read because they manage to pinpoint what some Scans_Daily defenders are doing wrong or doing retarded.

There were 14 comments in that post. I wanted to check them out to see the reaction. I hope for some increment in self awareness from the most undesirable elements of the SD gang, but I doubt it; probably it was 14 comments of "How dare you to speak ill of Scans_Daily! Die in a fire!!1123TG#!" But, there was a comment from cdspower in one of my own posts so I decided to reply to that first. When I check the F-list again to click on the comments... BAMF! The whole post was gone. Anybody got a good look at it? Anybody knows why it was erased? Was there a big fight in just 14 posts? Was there blood? Was there blood? Broken bones? Anything?

cissie_king @ 2009-03-24T10:58:00

2009-03-24T16:03:55Z

... I would watch it.

DC Solicitations for June 2009.

2009-03-24T06:03:13Z

Haven’t done a rundown of solicitations in a while, and mostly because DC has been kinda boring, but this month looks surprisingly fun.

NOTE: For some reason Google Chrome and Photobucket don’t get along. If I try to open Photobucket with Chrome the computer starts crawling. Does that happen to anybody else? Photobucket is the only page I use IE for.

FINAL CRISIS AFTERMATH: ESCAPE #2
Good morning, and welcome to the second day of your stay in Electric City. We are your providers, the Global Peace Agency. Time to take a dip in the Time Pool. What’s the worst that can happen? You are a valued guest. You can leave any time you want. You have nothing to fear. You will tell us everything...

Didio described this book as DC’s take on The Prisoner. As a big fan of both The Prisoner and Kirby’s OMAC, this book intrigues me and the solicitation makes it sound like fun. It can still be a puddle of slobbery poop. I’m just saying I’m going to try it.

FINAL CRISIS AFTERMATH: DANCE #2

I’m starting to believe that Most Awesome SuperBat’s secondary powerset is Super-Posing.

BATMAN AND ROBIN #1

Written by Grant Morrison
Art and cover by Frank Quitely
this first issue kicks off a 3-part story arc that can't be missed! The new Dynamic Duo hit the streets with a bang in their new flying Batmobile as they face off against an assemblage of villains called the Circus of Strange. They also tackle their first mission investigating a child who’s been abducted by the mysterious Domino Killer. But will everything go smoothly? And who exactly are the new Batman and Robin? The newest era of The Dark Knight begins here!

O evil circuses, how I love thee! Why don’t the police close all the circuses? Has anyone ever seen a circus in a comic that wasn’t evil? I haven’t! Also, mimes! All mimes are evil, silent assassins.

DETECTIVE COMICS #854

J.H. Williams makes everything prettier.

GOTHAM CITY SIRENS #1
Written by Paul Dini
Art and cover by Guillem March

Hey, Kids! ~~Comics~~ Masturbatory Aids! Well, I can see what niche market they are trying to get with this comic, but it’s Paul Dini writing his favorite ~~May-be~~ lesbians having fun in Gotham so chances are that it will be a fun comic and not a seedy, creepy comic with haunted vaginas.

ACTION COMICS ANNUAL #12
Written by Greg Rucka
Art by Pere Pérez
Cover by Renato Guedes
Discover the origin of Nightwing and Flamebird!

Don’t we know that already? And yes, I am still angry that it turned out Nightwing wasn’t Kon after all! Even after Nightwing mentioned his TTK. Yes, I know it was a red herring. DUUUUUUUH!!!!! But red herrings are supposed to be clever, not outright lies. For what they did they might as well have had Nightwing say “I am Kon” and then not be Kon; it would have been just as clever (like not at all) for all the sense it makes anyway.

THE LAST DAYS OF ANIMAL MAN #2

When this series was announced, it didn’t interest me at all. Animal Man is only interesting if Morrison and/or/exor Milligan are writing him. And also, the whole story is about Animal Man dying, and we know how fun death is! But this cover makes me a little interested, if only for the Green Lantern whale. I hope his name is Wally.

I should have written this solicitation. I would have put stuff like "Buddy Baker is having a whale of a time, but he better watch out or he'll look green about the gills!"

SECRET SIX #10
Written by Gail Simone
Art by Nicola Scott & Doug Hazlewood
Cover by Daniel LuVisi
Where have all the forgotten heroes and villains of the DCU been?

We used to get together every few months, but it was all so awkward and everybody was so fake.

“Oh, so you got a cameo in Booster Gold… that’s nice… for someone like you, I guess”

And then we had problems with the catering, because nobody wanted to take responsibility, so I told Sapphire from Power Company “”You know, you are quick to point fingers and blame everybody else, but you never do anything to help, you just blame! And I didn’t spill ketchup on the carpet, darn it!” And then I walked out.

And yes, it was my fault, but I am not paying for their stupid carpet.

The Six are blackmailed by someone claiming to be their old boss, Mockingbird, into a brand-new mission taking them into the heart of the metahuman slave trade! And former Wonder Woman Artemis returns in the most brutal Secret Six story yet!

I guess I should be glad there are not many manual jobs you need feminine hygiene product themed archers for. Take that, Sapphire! I hope you enjoy mining diamonds in Africa, or wherever they sent you!

And the carpet was ugly anyway.

TEEN TITANS #72
Written by Bryan Miller and Sean McKeever
Art and cover by Joe Bennett & Jack Jadson
Thirty pages of story content! In the first feature, Wonder Girl’s leadership is put to the test as the team faces the all-new Fearsome Five! In the debut of the 10-page co-feature, Ravager goes solo for the first time, continuing her descent into darkness begun in TERROR TITANS.

And new Teen Titan writer debuts! Who is Bryan Miller? Google doesn’t know! If Google doesn’t know then this guy might as well not exist at all! Maybe he doesn’t exist! Maybe he is inside our heads! Maybe we imagine him!

TITANS #14
Written by Hugh Sterbakov

On the other hand, Google actually found the new writer of Titans. He is one of the writers of Robot Chicken. Not filled completely with confidence here despite not disliking Robot Chicken.

BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD #6

YAAAAAY! G.I. ROBOT! G.I. ROBOT! …and also Kid Eternity, Vigilante, Shining Knight and… is that Thor? And why all the sudden love for Kid Eternity? The last time anyone cared for him was the early 90s. Do I have to wait 15 years for some loving too? Awww…

JACK OF FABLES #35

I double dare you, triple dare you to caption this cover with something that is not a variation of “Hey, little girl, want to see my cock?”

NORTHLANDERS #18
Written by Brian Wood
Art by Danijel Zezelj
Cover by Massimo Carnevale
"The Shield Maidens" part 1 of 2. The notion of brave Norse women who would follow their men into battle has been the subject of a lot of mythology, stories, Valkyrie-lore and fairy tales. The reality of such a thing, though, would be much, much different...

I wasn’t crazy for Northlanders at first, but the current story about an Irish guy going around killing Vikings was a lot of fun. This one sounds pretty good too.

SEAGUY: THE SLAVES OF MICKEY EYE #3

Written by Grant Morrison
Art and cover by Cameron Stewart
Seaguy returns to Mickey Eye Park, and he’s welcomed back by the most shocking challenge of all – the sensational Super Hero wedding of She-Beard and Seadog, captain of the Seadogs and maritime heroes of the Dad Age! Is Seaguy willing to destroy the world as he knows it to stop a marriage? You bet…

Can’t find one word in that solicitation that isn’t 100% awesome plus plus. And burn, EPCOT. BUUUUUUURN! Take that stupid World of Motion! And burn, you stupid Communicore, nobody likes Communicore!

Wait? Why Chubby Da Choona looks like Che Guevara? Chubby became a communist! No, bad Choona, BAD!

So... McKeever is leaving Teen Titans.

2009-03-19T03:55:46Z

When McKeever was announced as Geoff Johns successor at the helm of Teen Titans, fans, who didn't like the all tears and dismemberment motif the series had at the time, received the news with the joy fat people usually reserve for news like "Free hamburgers fired right into your home and your mouth with Mcdonalds' new atomic catapult!" Mostly because McKeever had written a few teenage heroes at Marvel who didn't suffer massive body trauma and whined a lot in every issue. Although I personally thought Gravity was at least eight kinds of boring, so I didn't go crazy with the news. But, I thought at least it would result in a less miserable Teen Titans book.

A few months later and any hope that Teen Titans was going to be all smiles, kisses and hugs died of a quadruple heart attack, fell out of a window and was gang banged by a troupe of marauding necrophiliacs. And then hit by thunder, and then a dog passed by and peed on the ashes. And then the dog came back and did it again. McKeever kept the ship steady as it goes and the U.S.S. Teen Titans kept venturing farther and farther into the waters of Misery, which as legend tells us was formed by the tears of children who were told there was no Santa Claus, and the tears of people who bought all of Countdown because they had been told it was going to matter. Teen Titans' contribution to the museum of retarded decadence of superhero comics were several pages of Marvin and Wendy from Superfriends being mawled to death by Wonder Dog. A crass scene akin to Smurfette prostituting herself for crack, Yogi Bear dying of auto-erotic asphyxiation, or whatever depravity some maladjusted manchild who watched cartoons from the 70s want to see happen.

McKeever has announced he will no longer be the writer of Teen Titans after issue 71, except for the Ravager backup feature. As expected, NoScans-Daily is celebrating this. I'm not. Whoever writes it after McKeever is not going to change things simply because the editor of Teen Titans doesn't want to change things. And the editor of Teen Titans is Dan Didio, so nobody is going to tell him to give it up. Now, if you bother to remember, Dan Didio canceled Young Justice to start the current volume of Teen Titans. Dan Didio believed and probably still believes that a book starring Robin, Wondergirl, Superboy and Impulse / Kid flash should be one of the flagship titles of DC and one of its biggest sellers. Young Justice of course was neither, and to be entirely candid Dan Didio's idea is not completely without merit. Of course I loved Young Justice, but leaving bias aside you can see that with those four characters there was the possibility and potential of bringing back the days of the Wolfman and Perez Teen Titans, which competed in sales with X-Men... which in those days sold more than it does now. But I am not DC, just a reader. I care about what I want to read and not about maximizing DC's sales. That's not my problem, but it's nice to see the point of view of DC and why they did what they did. It's a better idea than thinking that DC does what it does to hurt you personally because they hate you because you smell.

So, did Teen Titans set the charts on fire? Well, no. It sells okay and it is in no danger of cancellation but hardly the second coming. If I were Peter David, I would send Dan Didio photocopies of my butt by fax every day just for that. Also, if the idea was to take advantage of having big name sidekicks / fourth generation heroes in one team, then killing Superboy and Kid Flash was kind of retarded, wasn't it? Just saying. Because I don't think that helped.

The problem with Teen Titans is that it became the book where happiness went to die. Like an elephant cemetery of big happy thoughts where gentle giants coughed and then collapsed to never rise again.

I have noticed my writing in this post is like a beatnik novel... but stupid. I blame my mom's vodka.

And now back to the topic. Teen Titans was not completely impossible to enjoy. It was like scratching one's butt: pleasurable but not particularly thrilling. But the problem was the almost endless stream of misery and shock and awe tactics used. The book felt awkward to read. Marvin and Wendy bitten to pieces by Wonder Dog is the kind of thing I expect to see as a one page joke in an issue of Ambush Bug, not as several pages of horror and as the start of a plot thread. You know why? Because I can't take it seriously, just like I can't take a story about Darkwing Duck fighting AIDS. It's just ridiculous and the kind of thing one only sees in fanfics written by manchildren who want to see their cartoons as grim and gritty pieces of misery, because that's "mature" and "serious" and they are "mature" and "serious" people... in their crazy heads.

Nobody wants to see Teen Titans like Tiny Titans, or at least nobody worth listening to, but at some point the book needs to grow up and learn that it doesn't need to be serious all the time, or at least not the way immature people think "serious business" should be, which are usually childish, self-important and very stupid.

Leaving that aside, there were parts of McKeevers Teen Titans I actually liked. Otherwise I would have stopped reading it and I wouldn't even be writing this. McKeever actually made m care for Kid Devil. At least in the way one cares for a retarded, smelly puppy who keeps running and hitting his head against the walls and makes you wonder if euthanasia can actually improve him. But it's a form of caring. He also made me like Rose... not enough to read the horrible Terror Titans to the end, but I like Rose, crazy psycho bitch that she is. I will even dare and say that in the last few issues the team actually got... happier? I think it did. Perhaps because Robin left and he is a bit of a downer.

So, thought?