Current Mood: productive
Current Music: POLYSICS - ELECTRIC SURFIN' GO GO
I haven’t done these for a while. So, assuming I still got readers interested in my opinion about comics that came out a few days ago, let’s try to catch up with this and last week’s batch.
This week we go through Wildcards #2, Titans #2, House of Mystery #1 and Omega the Unknown #8.
POLYSICS - ELECTRIC SURFIN' GO GO
George R. Martin’s WILDCARDS #2
I thought I was not going to be able to read this comic. I googled around and it turns out there are a bazillion Wildcards novels already out, and I thought the continuity was going to beat my ass. As it turns out, this is very much like Martin’s Songs of Ice and Fire comics, which take place in the same universe as the novels, but not so deep that you can’t understand what the hell is going on. So don’t worry, you don’t need to learn Stannis Barantheon’s underwear size to read this.
The first issue actually makes a good job explaining why the series is called Wildcards; there is this virus that either kills you, makes you a horrible mutant, and in rare cases it gives you superpowers. Mutants are jokers, and superheroes are aces. Draw a card and see what you get. On that note, somebody has stolen samples of the virus and an Ace called the Sleeper, who can get new powers every time he wakes up, is looking for him. Somebody has released the virus inside a school, killing a whole bunch, mutated a bunch of others and created two new aces. And that’s where this issue picks up.
Something I like about Martin’s books is how well thought out the fictional universe turns out to be. In this issue, we get to see what happens to the jokers and aces after the whole event. It’s pretty elaborate and makes sense. The main story about the stolen virus doesn’t advance much, but that’s okay because the real star is the introduction to the world of Wildcards.
There is some problem with the art; the Sleeper looks exactly like the transition counselor, and things get confusing that way when you can’t tell people apart!
Omega the Unknown #8
This thing has been lovely all the way through. Alien invasion as a franchise, now that’s a concept. Basically, if you wanna conquer the world for the aliens they give you the plans to build killer robots and you build them for them! And, apparently, Omega the Unknown also works that way, they give you the plans to build your own superhero to beat the evil robots and you build it at home.
I love the dreamlike approach to superheroes this comic takes, where strange weird things happen because they just do. Would that make it Magical Realism superhero comics? I don’t know, do I look like Gabriel Garcia Marquez to you? Don’t ask me that!
The only thing I didn’t like this issue was the song the omniscient narrator sang here. I hate singing in comics because it doesn’t work! Comics have no sound, so the singing always looks silly because I never know how the music goes. I know it’s just a personal pet peeve, but why put music nobody can listen? And don’t get me started on Adam Warren’s soundtracks where he lists a bunch of songs I have never heard of that I am supposed to be listening to while reading the comic, that’s almost as bad.
Oh, shut up, omniscient narrator! No wait... we need you to tell us the story. I hate you... you literary device!
Titans #2
Can DC make a comic book so bad not even they can publish it? Apparently not, because they published Titans #2. If they can publish this crap, then they’ll publish anything. And that’s how I can prove DC doesn’t exist! No… wait… it doesn’t work like that. Oh well.
After reading this issue I can only imagine DC believes there is a huge market of people who want to masturbate to the Titans out there… and DC might be right, but I don’t think they should be catering to that market anyway. I mean, naked Starfire might be a nice place to visit, but nobody wants to live there! Certainly not inside her at least; she is Starfire, it’s probably dirty in there and full of things you don’t even wanna know! I hear stories about what she does, and frankly I wouldn’t even shake hands without a hazmat suit with her. The art is obviously cheesecake, but it’s so badly done that it would take some sort of champion of degenerate perverts to find this arousing and not just bad fan-porn-art.
Well, Raven, if you ask me you are wearing duct tape. You might lose a nipple when you take it off, mind you.
The storytelling on the other hand… it’s actually on the same hand because it’s pretty bad too. I am not sure Judd Winnick is even trying anymore. I am almost sure that for this one he just pulled down his pants, aimed his ass at a piece of paper and farted. The jokes are terribly unfunny, the plot is generic, and the dialogue is just unnatural. Human beings don’t talk or act like they do here.
Worst Flash ever!
And this Gar looks like the kind of mental patients they have to tie down to stop them from trying to rape the house pets!
I am not an anti-porn feminist, so it’s not like I am against even bad fan-porn like this, but I don’t think DC should be the one producing this kind of things. It’s like DC knows there are a bunch of people who want to wank to Starfire and they give them this comic… and I don’t want this kind of stuff in my regular DCU, that’s what fandoms are for. I dunno, I just prefer my regular DCU a bit more pure and innocent and with less semen stains on the pages. Not that mine had any, because I changed mine for another copy as soon as I found some. And the comic book store guy was happy to get his copy back anyway. Maybe I am exagerating... not about this book being crap, cause it is. I mean, it's not really porn cause nobody is naked... except Starfire in the first issue. But still, it is too close to masturbatory aid for comfort. Right, Gar?
Not helping, Gar!
House of Mystery #1
As you may be aware by now, I am a huge fan of DC’s less popular concepts, which of course includes the House of Mystery, its twin the House of Secrets and their far less famous cousin the Sinister House of Secret Love which sadly only lasted four issues.
This series is obviously based on one of my favorite Sandman Stories, the one that takes place in the World’s End Inn. The House of Mystery apparently got tired of Cain, so it escaped and now it goes around kidnapping people to run a bar inside itself. When I explain it like that, it sounds kinda retarded, right? But hey, the House of Mystery works in mysterious ways.
File this under "Stuff only I care about". I love it when Cain and Abel start talking about the nature of mysteries and secrets. It's so unimportant, but it's what these guys care about so I like it when they discuss then in the most pedantic ways.
Sadly, the first issue failed to present the characters, because I honestly don’t know who are supposed to be the main characters at all. We do get to see their situation; they simply find themselves trapped inside a haunted house and run a bar for all the visitors because they have nothing better to do until the house decides to let them leave, if that is what actually happens because they are not even sure the House just kills them and buries them in the backyard.
Despite that I am not sure who the main characters are, I am staying for the next issues. The short horror story within a story that we got here was pretty good. It’s weird because people are not even sure what it was about! Is it a misogynistic story? Is it a feminist story? Is it an allegory for the liberation of Indochina from French rule? Ok, probably not the last one. But yeah, people are not sure what it is about, so you can look at it anyway you want and it was weird and scary… which I think is kinda neat.
Insect porn!
I just hope the main cast actually… you know… starts acting like the main cast.
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